Courage to UnLearn

When we go through life's ups and downs, we tend to pick up and learn habits and fears that leaves an imprint in our memory. Yes, I was aware that I was afraid, but it was foolish to think that I can easily overcome the fear that was built upon years and years of failure to take control of life. It was easy for motivators to just say, take charge, or you can break your shell. One's mind needs to rationalise and come in terms with our actions in the past and match desired new knowledge to develop a better self. Today, my company sent me to a public speaking crash course. It was a 2 days workshop. It was a workshop filled with many tactics to conquer our own mind, emotions, tools that we use and the audience. Essentially, I learned that the workshop is about sending the message to people. That's where I realised I have so much of 'clutter' kept stored in my brains ! The trainer was introducing drama skills to be used in persuasive presentations. I love the lightheartedness of that trainer. I realised I carry a heavy negative perception to all things in life. I noticed some emotions more clearly than before. For example : Anxiety when I need to face up to something I have avoided for a long time, which is speaking in front of an audience. Increased breathing and immense shaking while speaking, panic and cold sweat. Suddenly I also realised that there is so much excitement, fun and happiiness in Speaking. I just don't know how to do it properly. And I also realised I have left out such amazing skills in life and chose to focus on a unending ball of problem. As I was searching through the internet on how to unlearn those clutter in my brain, I came across this website called essentiallifeskills.net and pasted be low what I find so moving to me. According to Dr. Robert Enright, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin and a pioneer in the scientific study of forgiveness - forgiveness is a choice. It is the process of uncovering and letting go of anger, while restoring hope and moving on with life. He writes: "People, upon rationally determining that they have been unfairly treated, forgive when they willfully abandon resentment and related responses (to which they have a right) and endeavor to respond to the wrong doer based on the moral principle of beneficence, which may include compassion, unconditional worth, generosity and moral love (to which the wrong doer by nature of the hurtful act or acts, has no right.)" In other words, while there is no question that we have the right to feel resentment and the desire to respond accordingly, we have the ability to make the choice not to. When we do, we refuse to play the role of the victim and we let go of the control and power that the offending person, or situation, has over us. We choose to not allow grudges, hurt or wrongdoings to define our lives. I thank the teaching of the Quran , simple wisdom bestowed to us to be kind even to those who have wronged us has given me a headstart to not be unkind to the one who has wronged me. Because Allah does not allow it, and it was better for me. Now I am beginning to see why. It is late now, I didn't plan this blog article in any way to serve any message therefore it may sound a little confusing to those who are reading it. It has no start, no middle and no end. It is just an expression of my thoughts, what is happening to me. And if the Internet is still working when I die, perhaps my children will read this, and perhaps they will understand why I did the things I did. I started this blog aimlessly, just another place to write. Because I know I love to write. Now I know, I just want to rediscover myself. Unlearning the wrong and living life in peace.