Looking at the great blue sky

When you spent a decade of your life fitting a cause with no end, it's not so easy to let go. And when you do, it feels like you are next leading a life with no aim. Even though your purpose of life is apparent and staring at you at your face, the dilemma of letting go leads you to instinctively take on another subject to obsess about. Even tough try as might we make some sense and logic into it, fact is, the emotional process needs to be let out on a more harmless object, with no consequences. We read in a thousand blogs and a thousand websites, watch a thousand movies, they all say the same. We need to live and feel life a little bit. No amount of revenge shopping nor eating, nor relationships will equate to giving you that sense of fulfilment that you have just lost. It has been 6 months since the process begun, grappling with facing the reality was the hardest thing I've ever done. It is even harder than learning how to trust someone who has betrayed you over and over again. We shouldn't deny ourselves the opportunity to live a better life, it shouldn't be traded with a sacrifice of self happiness for the love of your loved ones. In the end, self unhappiness just leads to become the source of unhappiness of your loved ones. We may not know or fear the unending fear of what becomes of the future,but living a life with a dark resentment is no better choice than the former. Thus to me, it is important to be able to be at peace with our own hearts, to have the faith in ourselves to continue this journey not in complete bleakness. Over and over again it plays in my head that I may not know what I want, but I do know what I do not want. I do not want to live a life of denials, a life which warps manipulation like a blanket of gloom sky and deep dark soils without even a ray of silver-lining. A wise friend once told me that our life problem seem so small under this great big sky of magnificence.